Archive for 2012

...dariku, untukmu...


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"Sudah bagian diriku 'tuk mengumbar kasih,
namun selalu berusaha aku menahannya untukmu..
Sudah jadi kebiasaanku menuntut banyak,
tapi keinginanku membuatmu tetap di sini, merubahku..
Tak ada yang suka untuk menunggu,
namun kau buat dirimu pantas untuk kunanti..
Bukan diriku bila harus menahan rasaku,
tapi kau perlihatkan bahwa menunjukkannya perlahan lebih bermakna..
Pesonamu, tingkah, dan tutur katamu,
membuatku sedikitpun tak berniat untuk ku berpaling darimu.."


-Surat cinta dariku, untukmu..-

How (..i love)


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On the previous post, I told you about my version of "Who, What, When, Where, Why".. And I think that I should write the "How" as well..

How..
- How I love is someone who makes me realize about things like: How to live my life in a good way; How to survive through tough times; How to love in a proper way..

Yeah, I think I've mentioned this person on one of my post back then. I didn't really wrote the name but...my close friends will know :))

"How to live my life in a good way"

His way of seeing life, facing all the problems, and so on are based on religious perspective. Well, most of the time. So every time I talked to him and asked for solutions or suggestions, he came up with that kind of perspective, which is very cool in my opinion :3

"How to survive through tough times"

His supports always get me through every hard things on my life. I don't know if it's because of my feelings, but I do think that every little things he said or done, always impact me BIG TIMES ._.

"How to love in a proper way"

He never really taught me about this. I just...got this point after I met him. LOL.. Okay, let's get to the point. You shouldn't love someone too much. Just do normal things, don't really push yourself. You need to try hard, but not too hard. Cause if he/she is the right person for you, both sides will make efforts (not just yourself).

I've once posted that "you just need to give some efforts, and patiently waiting.." Yes, patiently waiting. Waiting sucks, I know. But if you're trying to find yourself someone that suits you perfectly, you need to wait (while making efforts, of course).


That's all~ ;)

Who, What, When, Where, Why.. (my version)


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"Who I loved before you? Five persons: Who, What, When, Where, Why.."

Who..
- my crush in early college. It was only after several conversations and I thought he's very awesome. His intelligence is like... WOW :o But we weren't that close at that time, so yeah..

What..
- my best friend who I met in college, the one who accompanies me everywhere I go. We went through many ups and downs.. We were so into each other, but the timing wasn't so good..

When..
- my first boyfriend in elementary school. Hell yeah, we were so young and wild and free~ (LOL) But seriously, it wasn't even love. It was just...a foolish action of a very young soul. LOL..

Where..
- I was in an organisation, which I never been into. I got many supports, new friends, and I met him. A weird, funny, nice guy. It was so great until something happened, the communication went down. The next semester we got in touch again but...my feeling is not the same anymore..

Why..
- Why I love, is that very special person who taught me how being loved feels like. In a short period of time, he made me feels like I'm special :") But my emotions at that time, and all those unfortunate situations broke it all. We didn't really have much time to get to know each other better.. We were pretty much in a hurry back then..

Learning from the past, I realize that we shouldn't be too hurry. Love will come eventually, letting you found that special someone who can make you feel special.. You just need to give some efforts, and patiently waiting.. :)


"You are who I love; The fantasy, the make-believe things that are actually true. You are what I love; the depth, the inside jokes, the best friend. You are when I love; a new history is being started with you. You are where I love: because I’d go anywhere, just to be with you. You are why I love: because before you, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we found each other, you’ve given my past and future meaning. You are the last."

My last? Have I found him? I hope so.. But I'm going to take it slow. I have to make sure what our feelings are.. Let's just hope for the best, for the last..  

"The Last"


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Okay, so.. last night i went through a very touching video on Youtube. It's a video from Wong Fu Production. They made many short movies, funny videos, also some music videos. Aaand i found this very cute romantic short movie :")


My favorite part? When the guy says these lines:
"You’re none of them because you’re all of them. You are who I love; the girl on the pedestal, the fantasy the make-believe things that are actually true. You are what I love; the depth, the inside jokes, the best friend. You are when I love; a new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about. You are where I love: because I’d go anywhere, just to be with you. You are why I love: because before you, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we found each other, you’ve given my past and future meaning. You are the sixth. You are the last."

I can't imagine myself being told about something like that :")

"You're the last.."

Thank you to 'you' :")


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"Yaa, yang jelas aku bersyukur banget, bisa kenal dan deket sama sesosok yang bisa ngebuat aku tenang, nyaman, terlepas dari apa pun yang aku lalui sampai saat ini :") Terima kasih banyak.."
Itu tadi alinea terakhir di postingan aku sebelumnya. Buat yang merhatiin, di situ ada kata 'sesosok'. Yak, sosok yang aku maksud adalah seorang manusia kok :))
Hmm, ngerti kan maksudnya? Ha? Nggak?? -.-a yaudah nih aku cerita..

"Berawal dari kata, turun ke hati.."

Itu bukan salah ketik ko :p Karena emang semuanya bukan berawal dari mata.. Hehe. Eh, jangan berpikiran macem-macem dulu. Baca sampe akhir, baru simpulkan maksud perkataan aku tadi ;)

Pertengahan tahun 2012 ini merupakan yang pertama kalinya. Pertama kalinya beli kue ulang tahun buat mama pake duit sendiri. Pertama kalinya dikasih bunga karena special occasion tertentu. Pertama kali dapet surprise di hari ulang tahun (dua surprise pula :o)

Can you see how special this year for me? :) And I even got the chance to know 'you'. (Don't make me mention the name, I WON'T :p)
Yak, dia yang aku kenal di tahun ini. Yang membuatku yakin bahwa menunggu kadang memang yang terbaik. Dan menunggu bukanlah hal yang menyakitkan.. #tsaaah
Meskipun kadang suka kesel sendiri sama apa yang dia lakuin dan apa yang berkecamuk di dalam diri, tapi tetep tak bisa dipungkiri kalau dia adalah sosok yang membuat aku bisa melewati semua masalah, tugas dan apa pun itu yang begitu banyak :")

"So, do you like 'that person'?"

Well, who doesn't? :)) Just kidding~
Hmm, ntah gimana, tapi yang jelas aku kagum sama dia. Sampe sekarang sih ngerasanya kalo dia itu mirip banget sama aku (sifat, kepribadiannya), tapi versi upgrade nya :))
Bisa dibilang, siapa pun yang kenal dan deket sama dia juga kemungkinan besar bakal kagum ko :D


So, umm.. That's it. I can't spill anything more. :p
Yang jelas, dia yang memberikan dampak yang begitu besar pada perubahanku saat ini, masih di sini. Entah sampai kapan, berdoa saja untuk yang terbaik.. :)

Love vs Lust


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"Cinta itu dari mata, turun ke hati.."

Seriusan?? Emang nggak ada ya cinta yang langsung kerasa di hati, tanpa melalui mata? .___.

Jadi gini, ada yang namanya 'love' sama 'lust'. Menurut pemahaman aku sih ya, kalo love itu kerasanya di hati, kalo lust itu kerasanya di otak. Kalo ilmiahnya sih, apa yang dirasakan anggota tubuh kita itu ya dari otak. Tapi kita kesampingkan dulu poin yang itu ya hehe :P
Nah, buat yang pacaran, mungkin sering ngerasain lust. Biasanya sih keliatan dari seberapa sering kalian ngelakuin kontak fisik. Nggak bisa dipungkiri kalo love dan lust emang biasanya seiring sejalan. Tapi menurut aku, true love itu tanpa lust.. #tsaaah
Aku sendiri pernah ngerasain kok, makanya bisa ngomong kayak gitu.. Dan akhirnya sekarang memutuskan untuk nggak punya pacar sampe waktunya nikah :") (doakan saja bener-bener seperti itu.. aamiin ^^)
Kenapa? Pertama, pacaran itu kan emang nggak dibolehin dalam agama yang aku anut. Kedua, aku capek juga ngerasain lust. Pengeeeen banget ngerasain yang namanya true love, atau seenggaknya love without lust. Haha :)) Aku nggak pacaran bukan berarti aku nggak deket sama lawan jenis sih, tapi seenggaknya aku meminimalisir kegiatan-kegiatan yang biasa dilakuin sama orang yang pacaran :D

Di sekitar aku banyak juga ternyata orang-orang yang emang nggak pengen pacaran, langsung nikah aja. Dan salah satunya pernah bilang ke aku, "Pacaran sih nggak, tapi ya kalo suka pernah, Na.."
Nah! Ini nih, ini yang bakal aku lakuin sampe nemu orang yang tepat! :")

Bukan berarti aku nggak punya temen yang pacaran lho ya :)) Banyak kok temen aku yang pacaran, tapi yaaa itu kan hak mereka :D Nggak jarang mereka cerita kalo lagi ada masalah lah, ini lah, itu lah.. Semua punya konsekuensi masing-masing kan? :3
Kalo pacaran, ya itu. Harus bisa menyatukan perbedaan pemikiran dengan cara baik-baik. Harus bisa mengerti kondisi mereka seperti apa pun itu..
Kalo nggak pacaran, ya banyak sih yang ngerasa kesepian atau apa gitu. Tapi kalo punya kesibukan, nggak bakal terlalu kerasa kok :"D yaa, diimbangi dengan punya temen deket juga bisa jadi solusi. Tapi inget, cuma temen deket, bukan pacar :D Jadi persentase lust nya itu kecil, atau bahkan nggak ada :")

Semenjak pertengahan tahun 2012 ini, aku ngerasa udah ngelewatin turning point di kehidupan aku. Perubahannya ke arah yang positif sih :") Karena sesuatu hal, aku putus dan nyakitin perasaan orang lain. Untungnya ada orang-orang yang nenangin aku dan meyakinkan aku bahwa mungkin semuanya bukan kesalahan aku sendiri :"3
Yaa, yang jelas aku bersyukur banget, bisa kenal dan deket sama sesosok yang bisa ngebuat aku tenang, nyaman, terlepas dari apa pun yang aku lalui sampai saat ini :") Terima kasih banyak..

Random Facts B-)


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Okay, mungkin postingan kali ini nggak ditulis dalam bahasa inggris, nggak seperti postingan lainnya.. Alasan? Capek juga nulis pake bahasa inggris :))

Semua orang pasti punya fakta unik tentang diri mereka masing-masing. Nih beberapa 'random facts' tentang aku ^^ :
1. (numpang) lahir di luar negeri pas ortu lagi lanjutin kuliah. Lumayan bikin keren KTP haha :))
2. saat ini udah tingkat akhir kuliah dengan umur masih 19 tahun, hemat 2 tahun :")
3. punya ortu yang gaul (pake BB dan gadget lainnya), supel tapi pemikirannya masih semi-jaman dulu (yaa, maklum sih namanya juga ortu kan .__. )
4. punya kakak perempuan selisih 7 tahun, dan NGGAK DEKET :o (kenapa?? hmm, mungkin karena pola pikirnya beda jauh.. dan bahkan ortu pun berpikiran kalo aku lebih dewasa xD )
5. dari TK sampe SMA satu kelas sama seorang temen, perempuan, yang tanggal lahirnya sama persis :") semenjak SD kelas 6 resmi menganggap satu sama lain itu sahabat.. Semenjak akhir SMA, udah dianggep kayak sodara kembar :") tapi sayangnya gara2 tempat kuliah kepisah jauh dan sama2 sibuk, komunikasi pun udah jarang banget :((
6. dari dulu selalu berpikir bahwa aku nggak bakal bisa punya temen banyak (appearance matter -_-) dan akhirnya berpikiran untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan berbagai sifat orang. Berusaha jadi orang yang diinginkan orang lain.. (and it turns out to be super hard -_-)
7. suka banget sama angka 8! Mau tau alasannya?? Soalnya angka 8 itu kalo di-rotate mirip simbol infinite, yang melambangkan sesuatu tanpa akhir :")
8. dulu pas SMP hobi BANGET yang namanya nonton bola. Apalagi kalo Kaka yang main :"> ya jelas lah ya, siapa coba yang nggak suka liat cowok ganteng badan oke lagi olahraga gitu :"> (mimisan)
9. gara2 hasil psikotes pas kelas 3 SMA dulu menyatakan bahwa aku bakatnya di Teknik, akhirnya menerima tawaran untuk ikut tes masuk IT Telkom, dan.... fuallaaa! Jadilah aku sekarang mahasiswi berseragam bocah SMP :")
10. poin penting nih! Banyak yang beranggapan kalo aku itu perhatian, suka ngurusin orang. Emang bener sih, dan alasannya itu rada miris. Dari dulu aku sering nemuin orang-orang yang nggak peka, dan berat banget rasanya kalo lagi punya masalah trus gabisa share. Apalagi kalo butuh *pukpuk* tapi nggak ada yang nyadar. Akhirnya aku jadi kayak gini, lumayan peka sama apa yang dibutuhin orang-orang di sekitar, biar mereka nggak merasakan beratnya kehidupan aku dulu :""")
11. AKU CINTA SISTEM KOMPUTER!!! (maaf caps jebol :P) yak, Sistem Komputer itu salah satu prodi di kampus. Kenapa aku cinta SK? Yaa, namanya juga anak SK kan ya :)) Tapi selain itu, aku cinta banget sama SK soalnya prodi aku yang gaul ini mirip kepribadian aku :"3 Peminatannya ada 3, nggak cuma 1 kayak prodi yang lain. Kayak aku banget yang jenis personality nya nggak cuma 1.. Bisa dibilang "berkepribadian ganda", tapi aku lebih prefer ke "multiple personalities" B-) hahaha

Baru sebelas poin, tapi udah gakuat pengen ketawa ngeliat apa yang udah ditulis #pffft

Sincerely yours,
Nana :)

Side Story: My pain, my joy, my so called LIFE :) (part 1)


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"You must have an amazing life; great parents, superb grades, and nice friends. You must be really enjoying your life!"


I heard that a lot.... and I'm tired of it. My life is not that great. Well I'm still thankful with everything I have now, but it annoys me when I knew that others think that I'm fine, and they want to have my life.
Some people see me as a grown up girl with a very childish personality. Yes, I have to admit that I am childish. Sometimes I even think of myself as a little brat. ._.
But when my friends need me or my suggestion, i can give them my opinion just like an adult. Some even told me that I might be maturer than others which are older than me. If that happen, I always say that it's because I had overcome so many problems since I was little.

Family-matter
My parents always forced me to do my best in everything. I know that it's for my own good, but I have my limit. So, here's the situation: I have a sister, which it kinda way older than me. She's kinda troublesome ever since high school. Her grades are kinda poor, and her self-management is even worse. My parents are afraid that I'm going to turn out to be like her. That's why they always keeping their eyes on me, so that I won't make the same mistake like my sister did. Even when I was in high school, my parents never let me go out with my friends alone. They always tell me that I can't have a boyfriend cause it will ruin my grades, and so on.

Friend-matter
Most of the time, I feel like my friends are just coming to me when they need my help. Until high school, there are just some people that I consider as a true friend. Three people only, but I'm not intended to mention each of them. When I went to college, I started to feel like opening a new page of life. I didn't know anyone at that time, and everyone i met don't know me very well yet. "This will be my chance to find a true friend" that's what I thought at that time. Now, here I am....almost spent three and a half years here and I still don't know how true friend is like.. In my mind, a true friend is not only someone who accompanies you in every situation; a true friend is also someone who know you personally, inside and out, even better than yourself. I guess it's too much to ask? :)
Thankfully, I am now surrounded by so many awesome people :") well, they're still not qualified as my version of true friend yet, but they're so nice and caring that I don't even feel a slight of loneliness.

There are still so many things that I wanna write down here, but sadly my brain is already tired :))
So, i guess I'll continue at a later time :)

Chapter 3: Sign of a Bliss


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Sam's memories which stayed on Anna's mind slightly disappear. Anna went through a very hard time, tried to forget about it. The burden is too much for her to handle it by herself.


Anna attended a different class as she used to, tried to find a new friends and making a good memory. Then she met Ryan. An ordinary boy who caught her attention. He was quiet, not the narcissistic type. Maybe it was a coincidence, but Anna began to see him no matter where she went to. Then she found out that they actually live near to each other! She began to think about him most of the time. Then she mumble,"What is this feeling? It feels weird as if I have a butterfly in my stomach every time I see him".

There were a lot of coincidences that put Anna and Ryan in the same scenes, doing things together and began to know each other well. Anna was the first one who developed a special feeling for Ryan. She was afraid to make a first move though, tried not to hurt again. Things got worse when Anna knew that Ryan is having a pretty deep feeling for his High School's friend. She was very disappointed. But she didn't give up. She tried to talk to Ryan about his past, and things got cleared up. Ryan did love his friend, but he already moved on and almost completely forgot about her.

Knowing about Anna's feeling, Ryan slowly showed his affection towards her. Apparently, Ryan felt comfortable when Anna's around. So he was thinking of going steady with Anna. They went to have a dinner and watch movies at times. They also spent some times studying together, preparing for the final exam. They even made a nickname for each other, and started using it ever since. But there's one thing that bothered Anna's mind at that time was their status. She couldn't bear it anymore if she would get the same pain that Sam gave her before.

The final exam has ended. Anna asked Ryan out for dinner, then they went home together. It was 10 pm when Ryan walked her home, held hands while laughing about random things. Ryan's step suddenly slowed down, as he held both Anna's hand and looked into her eyes. Anna was startled and couldn't say anything. Her heart was beating like crazy.
"Anna, how do you feel about me? D-do y-you l-l-like me? W-wanna be my g-g-girlfriend?", Ryan stuttered.
Anna found it cute that he couldn't say it properly, but she hold her laugh. Then she held Ryan's hand even tighter and said,"I like you, and i loved to be your girlfriend.."
Both then laughed while smiling to each other. They were extremely happy with what just happened, with the fact that they just got an official status: in a relationship. :)

Chapter 2: Betrayal


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Time passed away and a special connection between Sam and Anna was made. They do lots of things together, just like a couple. Sam had just break up with his girlfriend. Anna was wondering whether he still keep in touch with his ex or not. But she believed in Sam when he said that he has stop contacting his ex, so Anna can relax. Everything was fine until one day, Sam's ex-girlfriend was trying to get him back. At that time, his relationship with Anna is kinda blurry. They were not dating, cause both thought that a relationship status is not that important. What more important is their feeling for each other.

But that theory is kinda tricky, and Anna realized it just in the right time. She felt unsafe with what she had, and tried to find out about Sam's ex. Then she knew that Sam had that intention to get back with his ex, and Anna made a decision to take a step back. She didn't shed a single tear at all. It was her first heart break though. But she thought that a boy like Sam doesn't worth to cry for. All that left in her mind was that Sam has betrayed her feeling, left a scar in her heart, and it will be paid later when his life ends.

Chapter 1: A New Beginning


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In the 3rd year of Senior High, Anna took a University entrance's test. She passed, and decided not to take a test from other university due to laziness. The University is in another city, forced her to live far away from her parents. She was afraid at first, but then she managed to get through the first 6 months.

There was an English test which result is used to pick some students and place them in a special class. Anna was chosen along with 4 others from her class. The special class was held at night, so when the class is over, Anna was walked to the dorm by her friends, Sam and Freddy. As time goes by, they got closer and closer. At times, Sam and Anna went outside to have a breakfast, lunch, or even dinner. To be frank, that was the first time for Anna to go out with a boy, only the two of them. Yes, she was so lame.

Intro


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Everything I wrote in this blog is a fiction. It was just my imagination which inspired by what had happened in my surroundings.

Enjoy the story! :)

The story begins with a desperate girl who suffers from an almost-broken-home family. Her name is Anna. She was only 7 years old when her father had an affair with his secretary. Her mother was very hurt and angry. The atmosphere at that time is like as if a World War happened. An empty spot between the sofa is the place where she considered safe. A neighbor who is 2 years older than Anna, came and comforted her. The "b!tch" who almost ruin Anna's parents' marriage came and apologized for anything that had happened between her and Anna's father. Fortunately, Anna's mother is a very kind person. So she forgave that "b!tch" and her husband, even tried to forget about that matter.

Years has passed. Anna's father is behaving properly, not making any affair with his partner at work. Anna is relieved, except for the fact that her parents often argue over small things. Despite the fact that they are arguing most of the time, Anna's parents treat her delicately. They are also very very protective with her. Anna is not allowed to go outside with her friends at night, and she also can't take the public transportation except if there's no one who can pick her up. She has a pretty rough childhood.